Divorce has been a major crisis in families of modern society. Gone are the days when we had something like a happily everafter. Most of this happily everafter fantasy now make us feel like it only exit in novels and romantic movies. Every girls wish is to find her prince charming and boys dreams is to be the prince to save the princess from the evil(who knows, they come in many names).
The media are all playing their part being the main character in those romantic movies but not leading by examples. Many actors and actresses could not even hold on to a marriage for a year leading the public to believe that the best way to solve difference between couple’s is by divorcing.
Your Parent Point Of View
- Couple may decide to split if the qualities that they always like is no more present in them.
- Most couple complain of changes of behavior which leads to the next one-
- Suspicious- Couple start to think someone among them is having an affair outside the marriage.
- Lack of Attention- This mostly occurs among women. True be told that all women need to be taking care of, most women don’t only need jewelries, fancy cars or houses, all they need is love and attention. Which most men don’t understand, men are just concern about their work and when ask he would say “
can’t you see i am doing this for the family”
Admittedly, some couple split up for less compelling reasons. Rather than working on their problems some selfishly divorce because they are “unhappy” or “no longer in love”.
How Does It Affect The Child
Often a split-up may comes as a suprise to the children because parent had kept their problem well hidden, even when parents still stay together. It may come has a blow to the child and my trigger wave of shame, anger, anxiety, fear of abandon, guilt, depression and profound loss- even a desire for revenge.
Parent divorce doesn’t mean they don’t love the child, wrapped in their own hurt they may simply find it hard to talk about the divorce. They may also find it awkward and embarrassing to admit their mutual failures. So its not advisable to urge to punish your parent by behaving badly. Children should try to look things in the parent point of view.
Feelings That Come After Divorce
- Feeling of abandon
- Depression and stress
- Self pity
What You Can Do
Identify your Fear- Divorve can turn your world upside down, you may find yourself worrying about things that you formerly took for granted.
Discuss your concerns- There are always time to talk, so try discussing these fears with any of your close relative either uncle, aunt or grandparent of both parent. Maybe they may be able to explain what is happening and lessen your anxiety.
What Not To Do
Don’t hold grudge- you may start to say” that your parents are selfish and don’t really think about you and how their divorce could affect you”. These feelings is understandable, but always think of the harms that cold come if you refused to let go of your anger and resentment.
Avoid Self-destructive Behavior- you maybe unhappy and depressed after your parents might have divorce which might start to affect your social life. This might cause change of bahaviour like:
- Avoiding some friends
- Anger toward them
- Have trust issue with opposite sex- This may make you think” i might experience what my parent has gone through” Know that marital unhappiness is not something that you inherit from your parent.
Hope this article could help you get through parent divorce and lessen those negative feelings that it might have caused you. Also see how you can cope with parent remarriage .